Good Bad Stuff

Gratitude practice is said to contribute to one’s health and happiness. I go to sleep every night singing a gratitude song in my head. Some nights, I think I’ll never get to sleep because my thanks have to cover so much territory. It’s easy to be grateful for the obvious blessings: health, family, friends, and economic stability. I include pets I’ve had. Oh, Judd and Beau, our dogs. Fuzzy, Spot, Raven and Shuey, our cats. How I miss your presences in my life. I even add the world of nature, in which I find tremendous joy and peace.

Pow! Bam! Fireworks are shooting out of my ears. I’m spraying gratitude in wider and wider circles. All this good stuff is easy to surround with gratitude and love.

But what about the so-called bad stuff? Can I find reasons to be grateful when people or events leave a legacy of physical pain and suffering, or emotional hurt and betrayal? I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s very difficult in the midst of such events or interactions; but with time and a little space, retrospection opens the gateway to gratitude. I’d like to share a few examples from my own life.

At twenty-seven years old, I experienced something that frightens everyone. Cancer. I am grateful that the cancer, which invaded my body forty-eight years ago. left me intact enough to continue my teaching career and to have a full, healthy life. It threatened my vocal cords, which gave me an appreciation and reverence for the power of speech. I learned to choose my words carefully. It made me a better listener too. I’m not sure how quickly I would have learned those lessons without going through what I did. So, thank you, cancer.

My cancer diagnosis gave me the opportunity to ask for help. As a stubborn, newly-divorced mother of a five-year-old, my “I can do it by myself” mantra wasn’t working. I learned that it’s not a sign of weakness to let people know they are needed. I learned that helpers feel good about being there at a time of need. Allowing them in is a gift given. Thanks again, cancer.

Do you see the fireworks coming? Bam, pow, gratitude spraying out.

That wasn’t the end of health issues that could have stopped me in my tracks. At fifty-five, I was sidelined by a virus that paralyzed me and kept me hospitalized for a month. What’s so good about that, you might ask? Well, up until that time, I believed that I was my job. Then suddenly I couldn’t be the gym teacher, coach, active person any more. A doctor told me to go home and learn to live in a wheelchair. It was just the kick in the pants I needed to decide how I was going to handle this overwhelming challenge. So, thank you, doctor. You motivated me to stretch my limitations. Doors opened for me to try new things. Like writing. Like hiking with crutches.

Like getting involved with my local library. Like putting together a coffeehouse. Thank you again, doctor. Thank you, West Nile virus. I wouldn’t have done any of these things without your entry into my life.

And that brings me to the uncomfortable area of faux pas. Mistakes!

They can be very bad things…but, can lead to gratitude, as well. The thing is, I have to dig deep for a life lesson after I’ve made a big mistake. You understand that because you’ve made some too, I’ll guess. Bad mistakes bring about consequences. Unpleasant ones. Like the time I trusted someone, who espoused to be a friend. Friendship with that person was such a lapse in judgement, I shock myself when I recall the experience. How could I have been so naive? This person feigned a spiritual connection while actually distorting and abusing trust, in order to gain power. It was an awful experience, one of complete betrayal.

How do I attach gratitude to that? There’s a saying you may have heard: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. So, my gratitude centers on learning to be more discerning, less naive and to recognize the signs when my core values are dismissed or threatened. So, thank you, betrayer. I may feel dumb for being taken in, but I also feel so much stronger and wiser for limiting the damage, learning to set boundaries, and walking away. .

Bam! Pow! Gratitude filling the air I breathe. Who would have thought such a bad experience would end with me feeling gratitude? And yet, it’s possible. I’d encourage you to try this gratitude thing.

A hard life, major mistakes, betrayal, and illness—in my world, all these may be fodder for gratitude. These lessons make us stronger, wiser, maybe more compassionate.

My list of thank yous is still growing. Friend or foe, be careful. You may find you have a spot on my list. Get ready for the fireworks.

Thank you. Merci. Gracias. Grazie. Danke. Mahalo. Obrigado. Bedankt. Pilamaya. Meow. Woof.